A lot of people feel victimized by things or people. Things seem to be happening to you. One of the foundational beliefs that I have come to know is that there is nothing that can happen to you. The fact is that the world is happening, by you. I have always known this idea in the back of mind, some greater wisdom that never allowed me to believe there really was anyone to blame. I actually think that everyone knows this, if they just stop and get silent a bit.
To be perfectly honest, I have done my share of blaming people and things. When I have allowed my “range of motion” to include snap judgments, name calling and temper tantrums, I know it didn’t feel right. I knew that these actions were not indigenous to me. I still get pissed and shout sometimes. But now I don’t let it define who I am. It’s just something that happens. I also don’t get into the judgment about whether an action is good or bad. It just is something that happened.
I like the way this guy writes simply in a straightforward manner. We have to delve deep sometimes to find where the root of our misfortunes lie. It can be a life-long exercise, I think! ;D
I couldn't agree more. BBut I do like to hollar at other drivers oor at least coment to my wife bout them. Seems every time someone is driving slow or crossing the center lane they have a cell phone to their ear. This reminds me of the day I was pulling up to turn and from two lanes over her comes GUY and cuts right in front of me. Then I had to wait for a few cars to pass by before I could turn also. My car is really fast so I was going to find the GUY. I was about to give up when I finally saw him again making an exit off the road I was on. Next thing I knew he came flying acroos the road and cut me off again. Then we both got off at the next exit. HE was on his cell phone. I just looked at him and shook my head. Some people are just nuts.
Thich Nhat Than says that we all have the seeds of anger in us - we either nurture that seed, so it grows or we recognize it for what it is and don't give it energy.
He says that the practice of banging cushions and punching punch-balls, so as to get out anger is counterproductive - that is a form of "rehearsal of anger" - and only helps anger to grow. Shouting and stomping around, probably could be linked to that theory.
I've just come across the section on that: (bolding is mine)
Training in Aggression
Anger is an internal formation, and since it makes us suffer, we try our best to get rid of it. Psychologists like the expression, "getting it out of your system." And they speak about venting anger, like ventilating a room filled with smoke. Some psychologists say that when the energy of anger arises in you, you should ventilate it by hitting a pillow, kicking something, or by going into the forest to yell and shout.
As a kid you were not supposed to say certain swear words. Your parents may not have allowed you to say these words because they are harmful, they damage relationships. So you went into the woods or to an isolated place and shouted these words very clearly, very strongly, in order to relieve the feeling of oppression. This is also venting.
People who use venting techniques like hitting a pillow or shouting are actually rehearsing anger. When someone is angry and vents their anger by hitting a pillow, they are learning a dangerous habit. They are training in aggression. Instead, our approach is to generate the energy of mindfulness and embrace anger every time it manifests.